I’ve been asking myself some serious questions lately, especially questions relating to money, my life, writing, and purpose. Most of these questions have been “Why” questions. Why am I a teacher? Why do I do the things I do? Why should I spend my time with one hobby over another? Why? Why? Why?
All these questions have been very unsettling, so while I’ve paid off my car loan (this will have its own post soon, I promise) and am moving towards a positive net worth, I’m still finding that I feel somewhat directionless and purposeless.
This can obviously be seen in my recent postings. I had been writing fairly frequently, with a post or even two every week. I’ll have to check when my last post was, but I’m fairly certain I didn’t post all of May. Ugh. The main reason for this has been this overall directionless-ness. To arrive at the larger questions about life in general I’ve been asking myself lately, I first had to pass through various smaller, seemingly-less-significant questions. One of these being, “What is the purpose of this blog?”
Well, what is the purpose? Does it have a purpose? Is the purpose for me, or for others? Does it include attempting to make money? Does it include concerns over page-views or affiliate links? What purpose would most incline me to write more, which is unarguably very important.
I wanted the purpose of this blog to originally be about showing others how financially healthy and frugal I am trying to be. I wanted this blog to be a how-to guide for other teachers and my financial memoir all rolled into one. I did want to make money and see my page views soar. I wanted to dive in a create the most eye-pleasing and clean piece of online writing I could. However…
I wrote frantically in an attempt to reach all these goals. I read other’s blogs and tried to see what they were doing to increase their profits or views. It was a challenge above all else to create a blog simply to create a blog. It was not a true endeavor of the individual to reflect in an honest manner, which I believe my new goal has become.
I found that I couldn’t keep writing about my financial successes or failures simply because it is such an extremely long process, the process of becoming financially independent. I already had begun to notice that literally everyone else on the web is writing a blog at this very moment about how to live frugally and retire early. I got overwhelmed.
And I quit writing altogether.
For a long time.
Then I hit a milestone (paying off my credit card debt). I felt great and wrote a small article about it with an excellent picture of my bike.
Then I quit writing again.
For another long time.
As I mentioned earlier, I began questioning what this blog’s purpose was. I also began asking myself what MY purpose was. Why was I a teacher? Why do I live where I do? What do I want to do with my time? What should anyone do with their time? What does life mean?
And I’ve finally arrived at this new goal for the blog. My new blog’s purpose is to self-reflect. I doubt I’ll ever make money with this blog, and I doubt this blog will ever be completely about frugality or savings or financial independence again. This blog is now a venue for me to discuss all of these big questions I have about myself.
Some of these questions will surely be about financial health and frugality, but if they are, it won’t be to make money or convince anyone else to live their life like mine.
I do hope to keep writing about teaching and the reality of the financial world teachers inhabit.
I do hope to someday come to a point in time where I can feel confident showing my students this blog as an example of the power of repeated and reflective writing in helping one figure out their own realities.
I do hope to become a better writer.
I do hope you keep reading.